Perk Up Your Relationship
Words by Katherine Castillo Eustaquio
Published in Total Fitness Magazine March 2013 Issue
Every couple goes through a phase when they feel like everything is going in circles. For some, the “circle” can be a time when nothing ever happens—they have nothing to fight about, they rarely make love anymore, or they function in the same hapless routine. And then there are some circles when they do nothing but fight, have great sex and then fight again.
In pop culture, we often refer to this as the “n-year itch” that usually happens during the 3rd, 7th, and 10th year in the duration of the relationship. This is the time when partners often question if they want to stick around and see how it goes or turn around, pack, and get the hell out.
In the Filipino society, most couples opt to stay in the relationship, despite the doubts, for fear of being alone or worse, having to start all over again. Unlike in western culture when couples break up for the most mundane of reasons, Filipino couples still decide to see things through. While some think of this as a total waste of time and, for some, lack of balls, sticking around gives you an opportunity to pinpoint what it is that really bothers you. Could you be looking for a mere change of scenery or you sincerely can’t stand to be with the person anymore? A wise friend of mine once advise and I quote, “if there is no more chance of happiness with the guy, then why stay and be miserable?” On the other hand, if you are simply and honestly bored, there are many ways on how to “perk up” a relationship.
Contrary to popular belief, you can—really—transform your relationship into what you want it to be exactly. Like your personality, it can change. The process, however, requires more than just sheer gung-ho dedication. Remember, permanent changes lead to permanent results. The process starts by zeroing in on the very reasons why you want things to change.
Be honest about what you want.
Every person has an idea of what his/her ideal relationship is like. Be clear about the kind of relationship you want to have in the long haul. Take into consideration the kind of lifestyle you want to lead, the kind of person you want to become, and the kind of commitment you are looking into. If you’re lucky, your partner wants the same thing too.
Make your relationship a top priority.
In this age where having a career is more important than having a job, it is hard to focus on just one aspect of your life alone. But the mere fact that you entered into a relationship means that it requires your time, attention, and commitment. You may not keep all the dates you have planned due to unforeseen events in the corporate arena, but do make time and make up for all the promises you weren’t able to keep.
You are responsible for your own happiness.
The happiest couples are those who have their own things going. Do not depend on your partner for all the things you want to achieve. Remember, you are responsible for your own personal happiness and contentment. Don’t wait for someone else to make it happen for you.
Get out of your comfort zone.
There is nothing like exploring a foreign city with your special someone on one hand and a map on the other. Being in an unfamiliar place pushes you to be closer and gives you an opportunity how he/she acts and reacts to new things outside her comfort zone. Book a flight and travel to some place you’ve never been before. Not only will you discover new things but also fascinating facts about someone so familiar to you.
Dress up, wine, and dine.
Men always look good in suits. It doesn’t matter if he’s the suit-wearing kind, but just seeing him all dressed up for you makes you want to grab that gray tie and melt in his arms for all the world to see. Do something worldly every once in a while and enjoy the rush that comes from painting the town red in your sexy formal wear.
Talk over coffee.
We know it is such a cliché but in a world where people avoid clichés like an epidemic, we also starve ourselves of the chance to feel warm and fuzzy in a world that is often too crass. When was the last time you shared a drink with your special someone? And not just an ordinary coffee moment when everything just flashes by in a flash, but the kind of coffee moment that is made up of really good coffee, white couches, warm blankets and really good conversation? We often forget about little moments that make the best stories.
Allow yourself to just really fall in love, again. And again.
The secret to a lasting relationship, as I have learned, is this: in the words of Mignon McLaughin, “a successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” The best partnership is where you can grow as individuals and still be together. Yes, people do change. The secret really is to fall in love with the same person over and over again.
SIDEBAR STORY
10 Relationship Bucket List for 2013
Here are some suggestions on how to spice up your relationship this 2013.
Published in Total Fitness Magazine March 2013 Issue
Every couple goes through a phase when they feel like everything is going in circles. For some, the “circle” can be a time when nothing ever happens—they have nothing to fight about, they rarely make love anymore, or they function in the same hapless routine. And then there are some circles when they do nothing but fight, have great sex and then fight again.
In pop culture, we often refer to this as the “n-year itch” that usually happens during the 3rd, 7th, and 10th year in the duration of the relationship. This is the time when partners often question if they want to stick around and see how it goes or turn around, pack, and get the hell out.
In the Filipino society, most couples opt to stay in the relationship, despite the doubts, for fear of being alone or worse, having to start all over again. Unlike in western culture when couples break up for the most mundane of reasons, Filipino couples still decide to see things through. While some think of this as a total waste of time and, for some, lack of balls, sticking around gives you an opportunity to pinpoint what it is that really bothers you. Could you be looking for a mere change of scenery or you sincerely can’t stand to be with the person anymore? A wise friend of mine once advise and I quote, “if there is no more chance of happiness with the guy, then why stay and be miserable?” On the other hand, if you are simply and honestly bored, there are many ways on how to “perk up” a relationship.
Contrary to popular belief, you can—really—transform your relationship into what you want it to be exactly. Like your personality, it can change. The process, however, requires more than just sheer gung-ho dedication. Remember, permanent changes lead to permanent results. The process starts by zeroing in on the very reasons why you want things to change.
Be honest about what you want.
Every person has an idea of what his/her ideal relationship is like. Be clear about the kind of relationship you want to have in the long haul. Take into consideration the kind of lifestyle you want to lead, the kind of person you want to become, and the kind of commitment you are looking into. If you’re lucky, your partner wants the same thing too.
Make your relationship a top priority.
In this age where having a career is more important than having a job, it is hard to focus on just one aspect of your life alone. But the mere fact that you entered into a relationship means that it requires your time, attention, and commitment. You may not keep all the dates you have planned due to unforeseen events in the corporate arena, but do make time and make up for all the promises you weren’t able to keep.
You are responsible for your own happiness.
The happiest couples are those who have their own things going. Do not depend on your partner for all the things you want to achieve. Remember, you are responsible for your own personal happiness and contentment. Don’t wait for someone else to make it happen for you.
Get out of your comfort zone.
There is nothing like exploring a foreign city with your special someone on one hand and a map on the other. Being in an unfamiliar place pushes you to be closer and gives you an opportunity how he/she acts and reacts to new things outside her comfort zone. Book a flight and travel to some place you’ve never been before. Not only will you discover new things but also fascinating facts about someone so familiar to you.
Dress up, wine, and dine.
Men always look good in suits. It doesn’t matter if he’s the suit-wearing kind, but just seeing him all dressed up for you makes you want to grab that gray tie and melt in his arms for all the world to see. Do something worldly every once in a while and enjoy the rush that comes from painting the town red in your sexy formal wear.
Talk over coffee.
We know it is such a cliché but in a world where people avoid clichés like an epidemic, we also starve ourselves of the chance to feel warm and fuzzy in a world that is often too crass. When was the last time you shared a drink with your special someone? And not just an ordinary coffee moment when everything just flashes by in a flash, but the kind of coffee moment that is made up of really good coffee, white couches, warm blankets and really good conversation? We often forget about little moments that make the best stories.
Allow yourself to just really fall in love, again. And again.
The secret to a lasting relationship, as I have learned, is this: in the words of Mignon McLaughin, “a successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” The best partnership is where you can grow as individuals and still be together. Yes, people do change. The secret really is to fall in love with the same person over and over again.
SIDEBAR STORY
10 Relationship Bucket List for 2013
Here are some suggestions on how to spice up your relationship this 2013.
- Book a flight six months in advance. Plan like a seasoned travel agent.
- Try something you both hate, like club dancing.
- Rent DVDs of your all-time favorite movies have a movie marathon and a sleepover.
- Make pancakes for breakfast the morning after.
- Try a new sexual position. And master it.
- Organize your first adult party. Read: wine and cheese for your friends.
- volunteer. Help build houses in Gawad Kalinga or visit a nursing home or a children’s community.
- Hit a casino and try your luck.
- Have great morning sex “all day.” Feign a fever and call in sick.
- Go to a wedding bazaar and pretend to be engaged. Enjoy the free food-tasting.
