Moving Past The Pain
Words by Katherine C. Eustaquio
Published in Action & Fitness Magazine (Jan – Feb 2009) issue
Why is it Difficult?
If you find yourself having a hard time bidding farewell, it means that you have given a part of yourself to that person or thing. Goodbyes are difficult because it means letting go of something or someone you’ve had or spent time with for a particular period of time.
Of all kinds of goodbyes, it's the death and loss of someone dear that is probably the most painful to deal with because of the fact that life is irreplaceable. People grieve over their loss by reminiscing the happier times and regretting things both done and undone. Losing a pet also brings a great deal of pain. Of course, you can always move on and adopt another, but you know that it just won't be the same.
Saying goodbye to a family member or a friend leaving for another country becomes hard because people get fixated on the “losing” part. In reality, however, nobody loses anybody. It's the company you have gotten accustomed to that you lose. But that's what we have all these technologies for—communication.
Of all goodbyes, breakups are the most overrated. To some people, the ensuing pain is enough to drive them off the edge. There are those who choose to wallow, blame themselves, and swear never-again. Yes, breaking up is bad. But wallowing for a very long time is worse. Self-pity will eventually render you pathetic. Hey, there will always be someone else who has suffered greater pain and bigger loss than you. Look closely: everyone has moved on and it's not going to be your last relationship. To say “hello” again is, as another cliché goes, only a matter of time.
How Do We Say Goodbye?
While some people move to their own beat and say goodbye in different ways, here are three things you must not forget in every adieu.
TELL. Don’t let anyone leave without them knowing your true intentions. It can be in the form of a letter, a video recording, or a face-to-face encounter. Whatever it is, use words because gestures can be misinterpreted.
TOUCH. Touching allows people to connect physically. It evokes a deeper kind of connection to allow what has been said to linger. It can be as simple as holding hands or exchanging a warm hug.
FORGIVE. Grudges will only cause further pain. Let go of all your anger, say sorry and really mean it.
Room for Something New
Our fear of goodbye stems from the fact that we resist—and sometimes can't handle—change. While some goodbyes can be life-altering, there are those that you can adjust to simply by bending a few of your ways. This is where letting go comes in to make room for something better and prepare you to better handle a new life.
Saying goodbye is never easy but with each farewell comes another hello. So don't die a slow and agonizing private death. Live. If you come across a change, seize it. If it changes your life, allow it. If you'll take a minute to understand a different perspective in saying goodbye, you will realize that it's not an end.
Published in Action & Fitness Magazine (Jan – Feb 2009) issue
“Saying goodbye is never easy.” It’s one of life’s biggest clichés that holds true for everybody.
Goodbyes may come in different forms—death, migration, breakups—but all of them come with one inescapable thing: pain in varying degrees.
Why is it Difficult?
If you find yourself having a hard time bidding farewell, it means that you have given a part of yourself to that person or thing. Goodbyes are difficult because it means letting go of something or someone you’ve had or spent time with for a particular period of time.
Of all kinds of goodbyes, it's the death and loss of someone dear that is probably the most painful to deal with because of the fact that life is irreplaceable. People grieve over their loss by reminiscing the happier times and regretting things both done and undone. Losing a pet also brings a great deal of pain. Of course, you can always move on and adopt another, but you know that it just won't be the same.
Saying goodbye to a family member or a friend leaving for another country becomes hard because people get fixated on the “losing” part. In reality, however, nobody loses anybody. It's the company you have gotten accustomed to that you lose. But that's what we have all these technologies for—communication.
Of all goodbyes, breakups are the most overrated. To some people, the ensuing pain is enough to drive them off the edge. There are those who choose to wallow, blame themselves, and swear never-again. Yes, breaking up is bad. But wallowing for a very long time is worse. Self-pity will eventually render you pathetic. Hey, there will always be someone else who has suffered greater pain and bigger loss than you. Look closely: everyone has moved on and it's not going to be your last relationship. To say “hello” again is, as another cliché goes, only a matter of time.
How Do We Say Goodbye?
While some people move to their own beat and say goodbye in different ways, here are three things you must not forget in every adieu.
TELL. Don’t let anyone leave without them knowing your true intentions. It can be in the form of a letter, a video recording, or a face-to-face encounter. Whatever it is, use words because gestures can be misinterpreted.
TOUCH. Touching allows people to connect physically. It evokes a deeper kind of connection to allow what has been said to linger. It can be as simple as holding hands or exchanging a warm hug.
FORGIVE. Grudges will only cause further pain. Let go of all your anger, say sorry and really mean it.
Room for Something New
Our fear of goodbye stems from the fact that we resist—and sometimes can't handle—change. While some goodbyes can be life-altering, there are those that you can adjust to simply by bending a few of your ways. This is where letting go comes in to make room for something better and prepare you to better handle a new life.
Saying goodbye is never easy but with each farewell comes another hello. So don't die a slow and agonizing private death. Live. If you come across a change, seize it. If it changes your life, allow it. If you'll take a minute to understand a different perspective in saying goodbye, you will realize that it's not an end.
